Inspired by the antics on rotten.com (we provide no link, so's
not to offend any patrons of our web space) SHAWSON&Co, more
specifically, Wodders and Foss present, (with the assistance of
Shawsons photography and sign holding skills), The Morgue
-
| Cause:
|
|
Intestinal
Trauma, Leading to blood loss and circulatory failure |
| Duration: |
|
5 Hours 32 Minutes |
| Weapon
Used: |
|
Repeated Sledge Hammer
Blows to Gut |
| What they
were doing just before: |
|
Drinking Tea and Eating
Scones |
| Motive: |
|
Asailant claimed to be
"Testing New Hammer" |
-
| Cause:
|
|
Critical Caranial Breach |
| Duration: |
|
Instant brain death, Clinical Death
within 20 minutes |
| Weapon
Used: |
|
Spas 12 Shotgun |
| What they
were doing just before: |
|
Watching "Last of the Summer
Wine" |
| Motive: |
|
Practical Joke Gone Wrong |
-
| Cause:
|
|
Asphyxiation |
| Duration: |
|
6 Minutes 18 Seconds |
| Weapon
Used: |
|
Sainsburies Polythene Plastic Shopping
Bag |
| What they
were doing just before: |
|
Ordering Online shopping via sainsburystoyou.com |
| Motive: |
|
Failing to tip Disgruntled "Sainsburies-To-You"
Delivery Man |
-
| Cause:
|
|
Spinal Break, at neck
Disc C2, Severing Spinal Cord |
| Duration: |
|
Instantaneous |
| Weapon
Used: |
|
Cunning & Subterfuge by Assailant |
| What they
were doing just before: |
|
Traversing some steep concrete steps
on the way to a Ti-Chi class,
Hoping no one pushes them. |
| Motive: |
|
Misplaced Assassination Via Sharp
push. |
-
| Cause:
|
|
Industrial Accident: Flung
Through exhaust vent of Macrell Tinning Machine- impacting
with wall at 88Mph, breaking every bone
and bursting every blood vessle. |
| Duration: |
|
2.58 Seconds |
| Weapon
Used: |
|
Industrial Might of Imperial Britain |
| What they
were doing just before: |
|
Trying to retrieve a black fruit pastel
which he dropped next to rapidly revolving turbine |
| Motive: |
|
He loved those Black Ones. |
-
| Cause:
|
|
Caranial Decapitation.
|
| Duration: |
|
Instantaneous |
| Weapon
Used: |
|
Helicopter Rotors |
| What they
were doing just before: |
|
"How high can you jump"
competition with chums at a US Air Show. |
| Motive: |
|
He always had to go one better than
his mates. |